Chloe and Sophie

It has been a while since I have posted on this blog so I though I would update it. This past year has been an extremely difficult year. It is still hard to think about and write about without getting very emotional. It started out wonderful and I thought was living a dream, Brandon's Dream to be exact. He was working one day and had a scene pop into his head. In this scene he was playing with Callie and two little girls. We didn't think anything of it at the time. Later when we learned that we were expecting I thought about it a little more and asked Brandon if he thought maybe those two little girls looked the same age. He said " Yeah I think so." Well at my first appointment they did an ultrasound and I asked her if there was just one there because that's all I thought I could see and she said nope there are two. Thinking back I don't know what I was thinking because it was very obvious. I called Brandon and he didn't believe me at first. Most people would be terrified but not me, I was so overjoyed and so excited because I've, as well as Brandon, have always felt were we're going to have twins. And we also felt that the scene that Brandon saw meant that everything in the pregnancy was going to work out in the end and we would be able to bring these babies into the world and be able to enjoy them at home.

That is not what Heavenly Father had in mind for us. I feel like I have this huge whole in my chest and it aches. I want my babies so bad!!! I'll have to write more later about the actual story of what happened.

Through a test that they performed on the placenta they figured out that I probably won't be able to ever have a normal pregnancy. If we do try again it will either end in more stillborn babies or extremely premature babies. My blood attacks the placenta and leaves Fibrin deposits all over in the placenta which doesn't allow the nutrients that the babies need get to them. So basically it's like starving them to death.

So at this point we have decided to try adoption. We will have to wait a while until we can get our medical bills and credit card bills taken care of. : ( It's so hard to pay the hospital bill when you don't get the babies to take home. Well until next time.